ADHD and Depression in Women

“I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, but it was actually ADHD!”

So many women are misdiagnosed. They are struggling to get through the day and are misdiagnosed with Depression. And it takes months, even years, before a doctor finally identifies the problem is Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Why is this such a common scenario?

First, the symptoms do overlap: tired, frustrated, overly sensitive, overwhelmed, can’t get things done. If the doctor doesn’t ask, “How long has this been going on?” then Depression seems like a natural explanation

Second, there is still a lingering belief that ADHD is a problem with rambunctious boys. Or that kids grow out of it.

Third, girls are socialized to be ladylike and behave, so they are more likely to become people pleasers and work harder not to fail.

Finally, let’s face it, growing up with undiagnosed ADHD can be a depressing and anxiety inducing challenge. In fact, over half of the folks diagnosed with ADHD will at some point experience depression. And 30 to 40 percent of individuals diagnosed with depression also have ADHD.

Unfortunately many woman end up on Depression medication, while spending time and money getting therapy for Depression.

Three of my favourite ADHD specialists reveal how undiagnosed ADHD is so disabling for women, and why they found getting a proper diagnosis was so liberating.

Let’s talk about ADHD and depression in women.

Now men can suffer from bouts of depression as well but it tends to look different in guys.

I’m Rick Green I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and I have gone through bouts of depression but I am not a woman.

Luckily I’ve had the opportunity to talk to some very smart women, ADHD experts, about this connection to clinical depression.

You’ll hear why there’s such a strong link between depression and ADHD in women, and as you’ll see, some of them will speak from personal experience . All presented without any mansplaining, you see mansplaining is when.

Linda Roggli, PCC: I had the shame of, everybody else can keep their house clean why can’t I? Why aren’t my floors polished?

Never mind that I was working 60 hours a week outside the home, never mind that I had a son with with serious disabilities, legally blind ,and I had a son who was acting out all over the place, both of whom probably have ADHD. But at the time were undiagnosed never mind all those things that I was juggling, I felt that I should still be perfect.

Rick Green: Now remember ADHD is very individual, we each have our own particular plateful of challenges, from the large buffet of symptoms that are available.

Some people talk excessively but I don’t, I’m pretty good at being concise and waiting my turn, and not blurting out stuff, or interrupting, or going on and on and on about some obscure topic like the Ayers Rock in Australia, you know which is is over a 1,000 ft high, but actually it goes downward.

And of course everyone’s challenges or situation is different, the restlessness and fidgeting that’s so common in ADHD would be hugely disruptive for an artist’s model, but probably no problem for a postal carrier a nurse, a basketball player. All that said did I mention Ayers Rock? Yeah ? Right.

All that said, women who have undiagnosed attention deficit hyperactivity disorder do suffer from much higher rates of depression. Why? Because they have undiagnosed ADHD.

Laura Muggli, PsyD: A constant feeling like you haven’t sort of fulfilled what you needed to in your life, or a constant feeling like I’m still not a success, or I could have done better, or I failed to reach my potential.

Which of course inspires others to offer helpful advice like try harder, oh cheer up it’s not that bad, it’ll be fine.

So a sense of underachieving is almost inevitable with ADHD, but there is a big difference in how it’s expressed between men and women.

Kathleen Nadeau, PhD: Women are more likely to internalize their feelings, I.E feel um low self-esteem, feel depression, feel anxiety, rather than to externalize their feelings.

Laura Muggli, PsyD: I always felt bad about myself like you know, I wasn’t doing enough, or it wasn’t good enough, or why could I do it better, or like the other kids did, um are smart enough you know.

Kathleen Nadeau, PhD: And I think it’s because those little deficits, and I hate to use that word, but those little divots if you will, that I didn’t do as well as anybody else, I have to make up for by doing even more, so that it will all even out to to be the same as normal average people, or maybe I can now say people with more normal brains.

Rick Green: To know, to know day after day that you’re not doing as well as everybody else and you’re unable to figure out why, it’s depressing.

Laura Muggli, PsyD: I think those were those were a tough period, that was a tough time for me.

Kathleen Nadeau, PhD: How emotions are expressed and expressed more intensely when one has ADHD is a multi-layered phenomenon, and part of it is hugely influenced by gender roles, that even if we’re not considering ADHD we know that women are more prone to internalize their feelings, hide their feelings, not express them overtly, feel anxious, feel depressed, have low self-esteem.

Rick: If you’ve been there you know that one thing builds on another and you start to spiral downward, it’s frustrating because the depression is obvious, but it’s not the core problem it’s secondary it’s the result of living with undiagnosed ADHD.

Laura Muggli, PsyD: And I think that affected my mood, and then I would go to therapy and people would say oh she just has depression, or something like that, but it was never depression. So it was ADHD undiagnosed for all these years, so it was really very nice to find out about finally.

Rick: To have so much of your struggles and setbacks suddenly start to make sense, to have a context for why life has been so hard is, it’s such a relief.

I remember when I told my mom the good news about my diagnosis she said it’s always something with you, and she was actually right, until I had the ADHD diagnosis it was one thing after another. Even now I’m still vulnerable to anxiety and depression but now I recognize what’s happening early on and I can interrupt the cycle.

Kathleen Nadeau, PhD: But often those men have also been diagnosed with depression, many, many years ago. For men I think it’s more of a I’m not going to talk about it because we don’t, hey, scratch your balls kind of, excuse me, kind of thing.

Rick: Let’s assume that’s a metaphor, but a man can only scratch for so long and yes guys I know it’s not like men don’t have expectations placed on them, we can be just as limited by the stereotypes of what it means to be a man, tough, strong, playing with trains, you know what I’m talking about.

But there is a truism in Psychology which isn’t true for everyone that sadness is anger turned inward, and as we’ve heard women internalize, for example if my wife and I had trusted someone, you know built a friendship up, and then they betrayed us, I would be angry at the other person, what were they thinking, they lied, what’s wrong with them, have they no conscience, have they no shame?

Whereas my wife would turn inward, I should have known better, I should have seen the warning signs, why did I trust them, it’s all my fault I’m so ashamed, hmm.

One final question, if you have ADHD and depression which do you deal with first? Or do you deal with them both at the same time?

Generally when there are two issues the doctors tell me they deal with whichever is most disabling, which one is causing the most problems.

If you focus on managing your ADHD and then you start succeeding, the depression may start to lift, but if your depression is severe then the doctor may focus on that first, because they know that you’re not going to be able to start adding new things to your life when you’re severely depressed, following new strategies and tools building habits you can barely get out of bed.

As for working on both at the same time? Yeah, problematic. If things improve you won’t know which is making the difference, is it dealing with the depression, or the ADHD?

Or if nothing seems to change maybe your depression is lifting but your ADHD is getting worse, and so you don’t notice.

In any case start by educating yourself on what ADHD is, what depression is, what’s going on, and figure out what symptoms are most impairing to you, is it the ADHD is it the depression?

Look into tools and strategies that can help you best move forward through the depression, or through the managing of your ADHD, and then you can be who you really are because that’s always the key.

I hope this was helpful, we’ll get into emotional sensitivity in other topics in future videos. Meanwhile please do share your experiences in the comments, always fascinating and always helpful, and if you like and share then YouTube will realize oh this is popular and they’ll put it in front of more eyeballs so more folks who are struggling will see it and benefit. You get to kind of pay it forward.

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Featured in this video:
Linda Roggli, PCC
Laura Muggli, PsyD
Kathleen Nadeau, PhD